Codename: Eds Next Door
by The Eds Rock
Summary: What would happen if the Eds joined the Kids Next Door?
1. Chapter 1

**I would like to thank Ways and TheBestKindOfStupid for helping me write this story.**

* * *

 **CODENAME: EDS NEXT DOOR**

Chapter 1

One summer day in Peach Creek, the Eds were heading to the candy store after earning 75¢ from a scam.

Eddy stopped running so Ed and Edd could catch up to him. "C'mon, guys! Hurry up!" Eddy ordered impatiently.

"There's no need to rush, Eddy. We have plenty of time. The candy store doesn't close for several hours," Edd assured.

"I know but every time we earn enough money for jawbreakers, somethin' bad happens and we don't get 'em," Eddy argued.

"Try to think positively, Eddy. I'm sure there's nothing to fear this time," Edd said.

"Did I tell you guys about the time I found out that thing I used as mouthwash for three weeks was really-" Ed asked before Edd interrupted him.

"Please don't tell us, Ed. I'm certain we don't want to know,"

"Just hurry up! We don't have all day!" Eddy shouted as he continued running.

The Eds turned around the corner and made their way to the candy store. When they arrived, they entered the store and bought three jawbreakers; one for each of them.

"We did it, guys!" Eddy cheered. "Our scam worked and now, we got jawbreakers."

"I'm in my happy place, guys!" Ed cheered.

"See, Eddy? I told you there was nothing to fear. Luck must be on our side today," Edd said. The Eds were about to eat their jawbreakers when suddenly, several gumwads came crashing through the window, thus startling them. "Perhaps I spoke too soon."

The front door was kicked open and in came Stickybeard.

"It's a pirate," Ed pointed out.

"We pirates have the candy store surrounded! Give up yer candy or we'll take it by force!" Stickybeard ordered.

Eddy glared at Edd. "Nice one, Sockhead. You jinxed us," Eddy scolded.

Stickybeard's henchmen barged into the store and started stealing all the candy.

"Oh, dear. They're robbing the candy store. Have they no moral fiber?" Edd complained.

Dumb John Silver approached the Eds. "Hi, kids," he greeted. "Can I have your jawbreakers?"

"No way! Get lost, ya big lummox!" Eddy snapped.

Dumb John Silver started to cry. "Boss, these kids won't let me have their jawbreakers!" he complained.

"So? Just take the jawbreakers, you fool," Stickybeard replied.

"You mean steal 'em? But that's mean!"

Stickybeard groaned and facepalmed. "We're evil pirates! We're supposed to be mean!" he reminded.

"Sorry, kids, but the captain says I have to steal your jawbreakers," Dumb John Silver said. He tried to reach for Eddy's jawbreaker but Eddy kicked him in the shin. "OW!"

"Run for it, guys!" Eddy panicked.

The Eds tried to run for the door but were stopped by Stickybeard.

"Where do ya think yer goin', lads?" Stickybeard asked.

Edd cringed at the sight and smell of Stickybeard's rotten teeth. "Excuse me, sir, but when was the last time you brushed your teeth?" Edd asked.

"There was no last time,"

"GOOD LORD!" Edd shouted in disgust as he took a few steps back.

"Who are you?" Eddy asked.

"I'm Stickybeard, the stickiest pirate ever to sail the suburbs," Stickybeard answered. "And I'll be takin' those jawbreakers ye got there."

"Get your own jawbreakers, Stickybutt! We earned ours fair and square," Eddy said adamantly.

"I said I was takin' yer jawbreakers and I meant it! GET 'EM, BOYS!" Stickybeard ordered. The Eds found themselves surrounded by Stickybeard's henchmen. "You three are comin' with us."

* * *

After robbing the candy store, Stickybeard and his crew boarded the Sweet Revenge and left Peach Creek. The Eds were tied to the ship's mast with licorice ropes and their jawbreakers were thrown into the ship's hold.

"Ow, take it easy!" Eddy complained as Chewy and Gooey tightened the ropes.

"Please, not so tight!" Edd complained at the same time.

Chewy and Gooey laughed evilly as they walked off.

Eddy growled and said, "Nobody takes my jawbreaker and gets away with it."

"This is so cool! I've never been on a pirate ship before," Ed commented.

"Got any ideas on how to get us outta this mess, Double-D?"

"Well, Eddy, it appears we're being restrained by licorice," Edd explained.

"Licorice? You mean we can just eat the ropes and we'll be free?" Eddy asked in surprise.

"Yes, but licorice is unhealthy and causes cavities,"

"Who cares? Ed, eat the licorice so we can find our jawbreakers and get outta here," Eddy instructed.

"Roger walnut, Eddy," Ed replied. He bent down and started eating the licorice. Soon, the Eds were free.

"Nice work, Ed," Eddy complimented. "Where do you think our jawbreakers are, Double-D?"

"They should be in the ship's hold. That's where pirates usually store their treasure," Edd answered.

"Alright, let's sneak in there and start lookin',"

The Eds snuck over to the ship's hold. When they arrived, they were amazed by all the candy Stickybeard had stashed. He had all kinds of candy; gumballs, lollypops, chocolate bars, you name it.

"Whoa!" the Eds exclaimed in unison.

"Look at all that candy," Ed said.

"It's a mother lode," Eddy said.

"And look, our jawbreakers," Edd said, pointing to the Eds' jawbreakers, which were sitting on top of the huge candy pile.

"Last one in's a rotten egg!" Ed exclaimed.

The Eds jumped into the candy pile and went to retrieve their jawbreakers.

"Mission accomplished, gentlemen," Edd announced. "I suppose we should find our way back to Peach Creek now."

"Wait. I just thought of somethin'. I bet Stickybeard's got more jawbreakers stashed in here. Why take three of 'em when we can take a thousand?" Eddy suggested.

"Eddy, we can't steal Stickybeard's candy. It's wrong," Edd protested.

"He stole ours first so it's only fair," Eddy argued. "Besides, we're not gonna take all the candy; we just want the jawbreakers."

"More jawbreakers, Double-D!" Ed cheered.

* * *

After half an hour of digging around for more jawbreakers, the Eds climbed their way out of the ship's hold and onto the ship's deck. They were carrying the jawbreakers they bought from the candy store and their pockets were stuffed with exotic jawbreakers.

"We'll be slurpin' jawbreakers for weeks," Eddy commented. "So, how do we get off this ship?"

"They should have a lifeboat we can use," Edd replied.

"There it is," Eddy said when he found the ship's lifeboat. "Let's get home before the pirates find us."

The Eds started heading towards the lifeboat but were stopped by a voice.

"Stealin' me treasure, eh?" Stickybeard asked, startling the Eds. They turned around and saw him and his henchmen glaring at them. "That's mutiny on my ship. You three are gonna walk the plank."

"But Plank's not here," Ed protested.

"He's talkin' about that plank, Ed," Eddy corrected, pointing to the area where Stickybeard made his captives walk the plank. "They're gonna throw us off the ship."


	2. Chapter 2

**CODENAME: EDS NEXT DOOR**

Chapter 2

The Eds were standing on the plank, shaking with fear as they looked down at the land hundreds of feet below. Their jawbreakers had been thrown back into Stickybeard's treasure room after he had caught them again.

"Too high, guys!" Ed panicked.

"Arrrgggh, time to walk the plank, you tantalizing thieves," Stickybeard said. "This'll teach ya to steal from ol' Stickybeard."

"Gentlemen, please reconsider," Edd begged. "Surely there must be some way to work this out in a civilized manner. Perhaps we can share the jawbreakers."

"SHARE? I don't wanna share my jawbreakers with those guys!" Eddy complained.

"Quit yer stallin'," Stickybeard ordered. "Which one of ye is goin' first?"

The Eds looked at each other, unsure of how to answer that question. Then, Eddy finally said, "Well, it was nice knowin' ya, Sockhead."

Stickybeard grinned evilly. "Aye, so the land wants the sock-headed lad first, eh?" he assumed.

"PARDON? I said no such thing!" Edd protested.

"As you wish, brain boy. Onto the land with ya,"

Stickybeard laughed as two of his henchmen seized Ed and Eddy and dragged them off the plank.

"DOUBLE-D!" the two Eds cried out for their friend.

Chewy and Gooey started poking Edd with their candy cane swords, egging him on to get closer and closer to the edge of the plank. Ed and Eddy, who were tied to wooden poles, watched in fear as their friend tried to stay as far away from the edge as possible without touching the swords.

"Double-D is double done for, Eddy," Ed commented.

"I knew him well," Eddy said.

"Please! Have mercy! I'm too young to die!" Edd panicked. With one final thrust of the sword, he flinched and took another step forward, which was just enough to send him off the plank and plummet towards the ground. "AAAAAHHHHH!"

"DOUBLE-D!" Ed and Eddy screamed.

In the blink of an eye, Numbuh 1 came soaring over the boat on his J.E.T.A.B.O.O.T.S., with the sock-headed Ed in hand.

Ed and Eddy stared in surprise. "Whoa!" they exclaimed.

Stickybeard stared in shock. "Sugar me timbers!" he shouted.

From above, the other four members of Sector V dropped onto the boat and began attacking Stickybeard's henchmen.

Numbuh 2 pulled out a S.C.A.M.P.P. and blasted the two pirates that were standing on guard next to Ed and Eddy.

Numbuh 4 threw Numbuh 3 onto the pirate that was guarding Eddy. Numbuh 3 giggled as her foot made contact with the pirate's cheek, sending him to the floorboards along with her.

"What's going on, Eddy?" Ed wondered aloud.

"Beats me," Eddy replied.

Numbuh 4 rushed over to the pirate that was guarding Ed and began battling with him, sending a flurry of punches and kicks to the pirate, that ended with him slumped onto the floor.

Numbuh 5 untied Ed and Eddy and went to regroup with her friends.

"Who are these guys?" Eddy wondered aloud.

"They're like superheroes," Ed said.

Numbuh 1 descended and dropped Edd next to Ed and Eddy.

"Phew! Thank goodness I'm alive," Edd said in relief.

"Double-D, you're okay!" Ed happily exclaimed as he gave Edd a bear hug. "We are three once more."

"Glad you're still in one piece, Sockhead," Eddy complimented.

"Arrrgggh, those blasted Kids Next Door are here to ruin me plans again," Stickybeard grumbled.

Numbuh 1 landed with the rest of his team. "Really, Stickybeard? Robbing candy stores and kidnapping children?"

Numbuh 3 shook her head. "That's not very nice."

Numbuh 4 clenched his fists. "And ya know what we do to not very nice people, don't ya?"

Numbuh 2 snickered as he pulled out a jawbreaker. "We _jawbreak_ 'em."

Everyone except the Eds and Numbuh 3 groaned and/or facepalmed while Numbuh 1 pinched the ridge of his nose in annoyance.

Numbuh 5 whacked Numbuh 2 with her hat. "Now's not the time, Numbuh 2."

"All hands on deck, mateys! We be under attack!" Stickybeard called out to his henchmen.

Many candy pirates swarmed over to Sector V while brandishing candy cane swords.

"Kids Next Door, BATTLE STATIONS!" Numbuh 1 exclaimed as the pirates surrounded them.

Numbuh 1 rocketed off, zooming through the skies and ramming into different pirates.

Numbuh 2 pulled out his S.C.A.M.P.P. and fired it at the pirates.

Numbuh 3 danced around the pirates and sent coordinated kicks into them while giggling to herself as if there was some joke that only she knew.

Numbuh 4 was more direct with his attacks, taking on the pirates head on, with merciless uppercuts to their jaws and kicks to their kneecaps.

Numbuh 5 pulled out two M.U.S.K.E.T.s and fired them at the pirates.

"The Kids Next Door, huh? Why are they here?" Eddy asked as he ducked a blast from Numbuh 2's S.C.A.M.P.P.

"To rescue us and help us retrieve our jawbreakers, I assume," Edd replied as he sidestepped a yellow blast from Numbuh 5's M.U.S.K.E.T.

"We should help them," Ed suggested, not even bothering to dodge a pirate that was flung in his direction. The pirate impacted Ed, who didn't even flinch, and fell unconscious.

"What could we possibly do, Ed? We're not as experienced as they are," Edd argued.

"I'm with Double-D on this one. They look like they know what they're doin'," Eddy agreed. "Let's just get our jawbreakers and go home."

The Eds snuck back towards Stickybeard's treasure room. On their way there, Eddy stopped Ed while Edd moved on.

"Hey, Ed, check it out. It's a cannon," Eddy said as he pointed to a nearby cannon. "C'mon, I got an idea."

Edd was at the door to the treasure room. He tried to open it, only to discover it was locked.

"Drat, it's locked," Edd said to himself. "Hm, I think I have a solution."

Edd pulled out a hairpin from his hat and started picking the lock.

"Success!" Edd cheered once the door was unlocked.

More Kids Next Door butt-kicking ensued as Numbuh 1 was now on ground, using a S.L.U.G.G.U.H. to punch various pirates in the face.

"Numbuh 2, grab the wheel of the ship!" Numbuh 1 ordered.

Numbuh 2 started running towards the wheel of the ship. One of the pirates tried to stop him by shooting lollypops from a lollypop machine gun at him but Numbuh 2 dodged every shot. When Numbuh 2 reached the wheel, Chewy and Gooey were already there and he had to fight them for control of the wheel, which made the ship start swerving.

Numbuh 3 was being chased by three of the pirates. She opened a crate of gumballs and tossed a bunch of them onto the floor. Then, the pirates got down on their knees and started eating the gumballs.

Two of the pirates approached Numbuh 4. "Give it up, junior!" one of them ordered.

Numbuh 4, who was chewing a piece of bubblegum, blew a huge bubble and popped it in the pirates' faces.

Numbuh 5 was the one to go after Stickybeard. The two of them had their candy cane swords at the ready and were clashing and slashing at one another as they weaved in and out of the fray.

Back with Ed and Eddy, Ed was now loaded inside the cannon and Eddy had the string in his hand.

"Ready, Ed?" Eddy asked with a mischievous smile on his face.

"Ready, Eddy," Ed answered as he gave a thumbs-up.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Eddy shouted as he pulled the string and fired the cannon.

"You troublesome Kids Next Door! How dare you trespass onto my ship and steal my candy!" Stickybeard shouted at Numbuh 5. He swiped at her but she quickly sidestepped the attack.

"Your candy? You mean the candy you stole from those three kids?" Numbuh 5 questioned. She sent a jab at the captain but he quickly blocked it.

"Aye, but whatever one loses and the other one finds isn't exactly stealin', is it, lassie?"

"That's stealin' last time Numbuh 5 checked,"

Numbuh 5 tried to slice the captain again but he caught her blade and they were caught in a stalemate, grappling against each other.

"Doesn't matter, lassie, 'cause I always win!" Stickybeard shouted.

With one burst of power, Stickybeard shoved Numbuh 5 away from him. Numbuh 5 stumbled backwards, only to fall back onto her butt. Thinking he had won, Stickybeard laughed evilly, triumphantly holding his sword up in the air.

His moment of triumph was short-lived when he heard a loud crash, instantly gathering his attention.

"What the-" Stickybeard said as he looked around for the source of the crash. He looked up and saw that Ed had slammed into the ship's mast. "That can't be good."

Ed screamed as he fell onto Stickybeard, who landed on his back.

"Well, at least it can't get any worse," Stickybeard grumbled as he laid there eagle-spread.

Suddenly, there was a creaking sound. Right where Ed had impacted the mast, it began to crack and fall over.

"LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING!" Ed shouted as he scrambled away from Stickybeard.

"Oh, sour balls..." Stickybeard groaned.

The captain screamed until the mast fell onto him and rendered him unconscious. Sector V and the other candy pirates stared in shock at what happened.

"Yes, I knew it would work! Way to go, Monobrow!" Eddy cheered.

"I guess that _wraps_ that up," Numbuh 2 joked as he carelessly threw a candy wrapper away. This warranted groans from his teammates and Stickybeard's henchmen.

Edd came out of the treasure room while carrying the Eds' jawbreakers. "Did I miss something?"

* * *

 **Credit goes to Ways for helping me write this chapter.**

 **Credit also goes to TheBestKindOfStupid because it was his idea to have Eddy shoot Ed out of the cannon and defeat Stickybeard by destroying the ship's mast.**


End file.
